BARELY have the reality scars from Big Brother VI had time to heal when yet another circus of freaks rolls into town in the shape of The X Factor (ITV1, Saturday).

Loud egomaniacs with crazy hair, dodgy outfits and tonnes of slap - and that's just the judges!

The holy trinity of Sharon Osbourne, Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh are back to make or break would-be stars on the show where Will from Winton or Kat from Kinson really do stand a chance of becoming famous.

What makes this show such good fun is that unlike the likes of Pop Idol, it's open to anyone and boy, do they mean anyone. I mean, even Kate Thornton is allowed on it for goodness sake.

And as for this year's wannabes, it's difficult to know where to begin... but how about we start with Justin, the dairy farmer, who was so rubbish Simon Cowell told him he sounded like a six-year-old girl? And when fellow-judge and Lord of Irish boybands, Louis Walsh joked that his voice would work better if he was in drag, before you could say "lend us your tights", our Justin got himself done up, a tad too enthusiastically in my opinion, as a horrid parody of Dusty Springfield, called himself Justine and re-auditioned. When I say enormous calves, it's got nothing to do with his herd.

Of course, he was still rubbish, but hey, at least this time round he got to act out his fantasy on air (instead of the usual cattle shed), we all got a laugh and he/she is now through to the next stage.

Star of the show, however was an entire family. Only one member of this clan of uber-chavs, the 19-year-old daughter/sister (who was so far from having the X factor, you'd need a whole new alphabet), was auditioning for a chance to be famous, but they were all in on the act.

In went their lass, wearing what appeared to be a pile of dirty laundry and a King Charles wig, and bellowed out a ballad in a fairly presentable voice - for a pub singer.

Cowell gave it to her straight: "No way, you're not good enough."

Suddenly all hell breaks loose and she wails at the judges: "But it's me life, it's me life, I've failed at everything else - you don't understand!"

Then the whole lot of them, including mum in a fake Von Dutch top and gypsy hoop earrings, and slightly deranged looking boyfriend, all get on their knees in front of the judges and with tears running down their faces, beg them to change their minds on account of their lass being so good an' all.

Tune in next week for the crazy pensioner dressed as a pearly queen and cackling 'Lottie's at it again!' (I kid you not).