SHE did not delete the answer machine message for some time. The last three words on the tape, 'Love you mum', were the last Jane Brine would hear her son say.

Smiling through her tears, she added that she kept the last Mother's Day card Nick sent her and puts it up every year.

"I miss him terribly. Even though it has been six years, it seems like yesterday," she said.

It was March 1999, three months before his 21st birthday, that Nick's body was found in a Blandford churchyard. An inquest concluded that he died of a drink and heroin overdose.

The news stunned his family, who knew nothing of him using the drug.

"He was very peer-led and had been all his life," said his mum.

"I'm quite certain Nick had no intention of dying. He was in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong people that night. He was far too drunk to do anything about anything and although I can surmise what might have happened, I will never really know.

"There's no closure. Nobody to blame but maybe Nick and myself. Did I talk to him enough about these issues? But then he was his own person. One thing I have given all my children is freedom. It's the most precious gift you can give them.

"He made his own choices and he made the wrong one that night - if he made a choice at all or did somebody make the choice for him?

"I cannot put my hand on my heart and say he never tried drugs. He loved a drink; loved the pub culture. I'm quite certain he would have tried cannabis and ecstasy. He would have dabbled because he was that sort of person and nothing bad was ever going to happen."

Flicking through an album full of photographs of Nick, she added: "It breaks my heart. I just adored him. He was just a boy. We were very close."

Jane has since raised money for projects involving young people and drugs education. She was disabled by a stroke in 2002, yet a year later completed a sponsored swim in memory of Nick.

"I tried very hard after he died to make sure something positive come out of it. I am talking now to raise awareness in the hope that other families may be spared what we have been through and to keep his memory alive."

Millions will be watching as the EastEnders' storyline involving penniless young runaways Demi Miller and boyfriend Leo Taylor takes a tragic turn over the next two nights. It has been revealed that Demi takes some heroin Leo has agreed to sell to make some money. In a Romeo and Juliet-style ending, Leo, thinking she is dead, takes the rest of the drug to end his own life.

"I think they should bring up topical subjects like this - the drugs issue is never going to go away unfortunately," added Jane.

She said young people need strong willpower today.

"It is so cheap and kids get disillusioned in life so quickly."

Closing the album, she added: "All in all as a family we have picked ourselves up and moved on. We take Nick with us. As far as I'm concerned he is always here; he is always with me. If I didn't believe that, I would go under.

"Time doesn't help, it is not the healer people think it is. All time does is give you a chance to come to terms with things, but you never get over it. I never will. I know the last thing I will think on my deathbed will be the hope that Nick is waiting for me."