Oh, I see - The Rossi has heeded the call of his Mediterranean blood and high-tailed it to Corfu for a couple of weeks, leaving me to 'cover his ass', as our American cousins would have it.
Well I'm not having it, tell you, his ass shall remain exposed. What's that? In cash, no questions? All of a sudden, I'm inspired.
Last week on this page, much was made of Weymouth and Portland Borough Council's game launch into the rarefied atmosphere of folk music with a whole weekend dedicated to that noble art at Weymouth Pavilion.
No sooner has the dust settled on that successful venture than they're turning their attention to another sub-strata of the wunnerful world of music with the 1st Weymouth Country Music Festival at the Pavilion this weekend.
Put aside, then, your hey-nonny-no's, remove fingers from ears and replace them with your best gal by your knee in her gingham skirt as you prepare for a bonanza of countrified events (all together; didlee-de-de-deee, didlee de-de-deee-deee - the bonanza theme, stoopid).
Danged if the whole shootin' match don't start with a Country Dance Evening on Friday in the Pavilion's Ocean Room with Denver Spur, Jeffers'n'Jon (as opposed to Jeffers'n'Airplane) and chanteuse Tahnee.
The programme is seamlessly interwoven with Bob's Country & Western Disco. The music starts at 7.30pm and all tickets are £6.
Saturday's shenanigans kick off, quite literally, with Line Dance Workshops with Rob Fowler, described as 'the UK's No1 choreographer and instructor'. I suppose he has to keep busy now that Leeds United's season's at an end.
Rob will be showing you the latest moves with afternoon and evening sessions, starting at 2pm and going through to 11pm in the Pavilion's Ocean Room.
This will overlap with Dorset Stompede, featuring all-style line dancing with the Dorset Desperadoes, from 7pm to 11pm.
A £9.50 ticket will gain you admittance all day, or you can pay £6 for the evening session.
That evening, in the Pavilion Theatre, you can practice your newly-acquired steps to Raymond Froggatt and his band and another man with whom m'colleague Mike Clarke has had a more than nodding aquaintanceship on stage, singer and songwriter Sid Newman.
Froggatt is arguably the biggest name in British country music, a charismatic performer who has written for many major international artistes and has an intensely loyal following.
The concert starts at 7.30pm, and all tickets are £8.
In the Pavilion forecourt, from midday to 4pm, you can sample a Wild West Adventure, an American themed roadshow featuring a cowboy stunt show, giant inflatable red Indian wrestling (I kid you not), a rifle range, quick-draw machine, lassoo corral and my favourite, cowboy boot throwing.
The country-style weekend ends with a concert at 7.30pm in the Pavilion Theatre on Sunday night featuring Amanda Norman Sell and Oliver Barrett, who between them will conjure up the evocative voices of Patsy Cline and Jim Reeves.
Tickets are priced £12.50. There's also a three-show ticket price of £23.
For further details of all shows, 'phone the Pavilion box office on (01305) 783225.
Country music is probably the most popular musical form worldwide, enjoying fanatical devotion. The soundtrack of my youth, however was largely made up of the blues, be it the other-worldly field hollers of Leadbelly or Robert Johnson or the urban funk of Albert King and Buddy Guy.
Australia is not known for its blues masters, but you can catch one in the form of Geoff Achison on Saturday night at Dorchester Arts Centre, School Lane, The Grove, Dorchester (Doors open 7.30pm, tickets £7.50, £4.75 under 18s, bookings on 01305 266926). From winning the Albert King Award at the 1995 Memphis International Blues Festival, Geoff has gone on to become an established favourite with audiences in the USA and Europe, as well as his native Australia.
As a bonus, Geoff's UK band usually features Sam Kelly, voted Best Blues Drummer in the UK by Blueprint Magazine for the last five years. I've had the honour of playing many gigs and recording with Sam, a truly inspirational musician and a diamond geezer.
This is the latest Bluesnight venture, and main man Tom Hopkins is joined by Darcy Corben, providing support under the name Blues 2.
Staying with the blues, here's advance notice of the visit of Aynsley Lister and Band to Evershot Village Hall on Saturday, May 25 (doors open 8pm, entry £6, licensed bar, details from Chad Caradale on 01935 83587).
Having seen him live at the Colne Blues Festival some time ago, I can concur with Mojo magazine's description, 'exceptionally mature and exciting' and The Times succinct description, 'superb'.
Finally, congratulations to those young striplings the Chosen Ones, who've won through to the finals of the Star Time 2002 talent competition at the Hotel Rembrandt with a great performance last Monday night. Just remember us when you're rich and famous.
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