EVER wondered whether you and your partner are speaking the same language? It has long been suggested that men are from Mars and women are from Venus but, somewhere along the line, our guide to understanding the opposite sex must have got lost in the post.

Well, men and women everywhere should be pleased to hear that a new book, about to be published in Germany, is aiming to set the record straight, providing a translation guide to what women say and what they really mean.

Relate counsellor Christine Northam certainly thinks we need the help.

"Poor communication is a problem for as many as 85 per cent of the couples I've worked with," she says.

And after clocking up over 2,000 hours talking to couples in crises, she should know.

Denise Knowles is also a Relate counsellor, with over a decade's experience. She says communicating with the opposite sex is like understanding a foreign language: "If we're going to a foreign land, and we don't know the language, we make the effort to learn and understand a few words. We can learn from that experience in our own homes."

And men certainly aren't altogether to blame for failing to understand - how many women can honestly say they've never said they're "Fine", when they're far from it, or that, "Nothing's wrong" when something's upsetting them.

So it's not surprising men end up baffled by the cryptic answers.

"If you're constantly baffled, it undermines your confidence," Knowles points out. "It makes you think, "Why bother?."

So, left in the dark, men may give up on trying to understand the complexities of their other halves.

"Men haven't been taught to be particularly emotionally literate," says Northam. "They are getting better at it, but they do need women to encourage them."

While men generally say what they mean, sometimes causing offence in their honesty - "Yes, you have put weight on", being a classic example - women are much more complex creatures when it comes to communicating.

"Women are very often not confident enough about what they say," Northam adds. "They get so embroiled in how they're feeling, they stumble with how to express themselves."

Not only do women hate offending others, wanting to appear reasonable means that the message is often lost in the roundabout delivery.

"Men tend to look for solutions while women focus more on the emotional implications," Knowles explains. "Women also tend to be more wordy than men.

"Men and women attach different levels of importance to different words. Whereas, 'You look fine' might seem an adequate compliment to a man, a woman often feels it's not enough.

"Often, when we ask a direct question, like, 'How do I look?' we simply get a direct answer. If we want more, we have to ask for more and give more specific clues as to what we're looking for."

Problems arise when we blame the other person for not recognising and responding to our needs.

"It's no good trying to ignore it," says Northam. "A lot of men tend to dismiss what women say and women get incredibly frustrated."

And a communication breakdown can do real damage to a relationship.

Knowles says: "The awful thing is when couples come to us and each believes their way of communicating is the only way and won't make an effort to adapt to the other person's method."

But, all's not lost if everyone makes the effort to learn our partner's unique language - and that responsibility lies with both men and women.

"A willingness to communicate is the most important thing in a relationship," Knowles maintains.

"One of the arts of conversation is not only being able to talk, but also being able to listen. Women often complain that men don't listen, so practising listening attentively, keeping eye contact while the other person describes how they feel can help."

Northam also suggests a couple of simple exercises that can help to get the point across.

"Try taking 10 minutes in the day and allow one person to speak without interruption for the first five while the other listens carefully, then swap.

"Another good thing to do is say, 'I've got something that I need to say to you and when I've said it, please repeat what you've understood, so I know that you've got the gist'."

So, translation books aside, it seems the best way to learn how to communicate is to sit down and spend quality time getting to know your partner's quirks and recognising their differences.

The book, Deutsch-Frau/Frau-Deutsch, is published next month by a well-known German dictionary publishing house, Langenscheidt.

Here are a few useful translations of what the woman in your life is really saying:

What she says: How about going to the cinema tonight?

What she means: If I have to spend one more night at home, I'll go insane.

I'll be ready in a minute.

Do you mind watching TV for another half-an-hour?

We need to talk.

I need to complain.

Oh, no, I'll pay for myself.

Or you can pay, if you insist.

Do I look fat?

Do you still love me?

Do you think we should redecorate?

Time to hit the DIY store and get cracking.

Were you the last one in the bathroom?

It's an absolute state, so you'd better go and clean it, now.

I know you've made an effort.

It's just not good enough.

I'll do the cooking and washing-up tonight.

Did I tell you I bumped the car today?

Can we just cuddle?

I'm not in the mood, but I still love you.