DID you see the England/Germany match this week? It was a cracker. The clinical Germans dominated from the start and for most of the game looked set to win - as usual.

But in the dying seconds of play, a bit of nifty teamwork from the England squad rescued the situation so that while there was never any danger of a victory on the scale of that now-legendary 5-1 game, the final result of a draw was a relief all the same.

Channel 4's Wife Swap (Tuesday) has upped its own ante by going international and to get us hooked early on, the first lot of swappees came from everyone's favourite rival camps - England and Germany.

Just when you think this show is becoming predictable, they change something, and this new series is better than ever.

Bristol lass, Sharon Thomas (the epitome, nay the British gold medallist, of Chav), her partner Andy and their three children were das Englanders; Anna-Christina Schmitt (a traditional hausfrau), her husband, Gerhart and their three kids provided the Von Trapp element, literally.

To say these women were poles apart is an understatement. They seemed not just from different countries, but from different planets - Sharon from the planet Nailextension and Anna-Christina from the planet Allinorder.

Sharon was an absolute slattern, a slob, a party girl, who never lifted a finger at home and whose idea of chic was bleached blonde hair with black roots and her generous arse hanging out of a thong for all to see whenever she bent over (which, mercifully, wasn't often).

She didn't speak English that well, let alone German. In other words, a complete embarrassment as an ambassador for our country.

Anna-Christina on the other hand was a shining example of what a good wife should be. She cooked every family meal from scratch, she scrubbed the house from top to bottom daily, in fact she admitted to being "on call" 24 hours for her family. Oh, and she was immaculately (though a little oddly) dressed and spoke perfect English.

And Anna-Christina has scored! (in Motto/San Marino commentary voice).

Early lead to the Germans, then.

Which continued uncontested as we saw Sharon miss-kick everything in her role as Anna, trying to cook and failing miserably, trying to buy groceries and failing miserably, trying to keep up with the housework and - yep, you guessed.

Whereas back in Bristol, Anna was working wonders.

Overworked Andy, who under Sharon's regime did all the housework, cooking, and washing-up, despite working full-time himself, suddenly had some time to himself.

The unruly children, particularly Morgan the Monster, calmed down under her serene but firm influence (and possibly the sudden omission of endless e-numbers from the sweets and convenience food diet they'd been used to).

Doh! Those pesky Germans, don't they ever lose?

Well, there was that time in 1945, but we won't go there...

So, by the time the wives got to introduce their own rules, we could only assume the game was lost.

Especially when Sharon, with tedious predictability, introduced a giant TV to the box-free haus and decreed that they should now eat rubbish dinners on their laps, while glued to it.

But then with an unexpected and perfectly executed challenge, she also informed Gerhart ('I vork, zerfore I do not haff to do anyzing around ze haus') that he will now be Andy/Anna, i.e. a complete dogsbody at everyone's beck and call.

Gerhart's face was a picture.

Suddenly we're fighting back.

But in Bristol, Anna is defending well, running circles around the opposition with her tried and trusted cleaning, cooking, and very limited TV rulings, on which the family is thriving.

But what's this - she's offside?

In her private video cam moments, Anna forlornly admits that she envies Sharon's freedom, saying how she admires her courage to stand up for herself and do things that make her happy (even though that happens to be having fake nails put on and getting pissed on girls' nights out).

"I have lost this courage," she says, looking strangely defeated.

Goal! England equalise!

Even the ending, when the families met up was different from the usual slanging match, in that they were all big enough to admit their faults and even Sharon promised to change things for the better.

Makes you proud to be part of this septic isle, eh?

Which takes us nicely onto the new series of Little Britain (Tuesday), still the only reason for acquiring BBC3.

Whose catchphrase do you do?

Daffyd? "I'm the only gay in the village"

Emily? "I'm a lady!"

Andy? "Yeahaknow"

Vicky? "Yer-but, no-but, yer but..."

The brilliant David Walliams and Matt Lucas have brought all the favourites back - super-Chav, Vicky now has a boyfriend and Emily the bad transvestite has a new "lady" companion - and there are some brand new grotesques to enjoy, such as Doug Lucas, the bogus drugs counsellor and Harvey, the upper-class twit.

Best moment in the first episode was the Lou and Andy (named after Lou Reed and Andy Warhol, according to Walliams, triv fans) sketch.

Lou is washing up for Andy while "wheelchair-bound" Andy sits in the next room watching himself run down the stairs on The Price Is Right.

But for me, the very best thing in Little Britain is the hilarious and magically strange voiceover by an obviously deranged Tom Baker, aka Dr Who.

Including: "Britain was invented by the Queen in 1979."

So that 1966 thing never even happened...