THERE have been calls recently to introduce compulsory lessons in parenting. The idea was floated by members of the National Association of Head Teachers, and before anyone cries "It's political correctness gone mad", I can see their point of view.

Schools do seem to have to put up with the consequences of some pretty negligent parenting at times. Many NAHT members are fed up with lessons being disrupted by kids whose parents have not applied any consistent boundaries to their behaviour at home.

Of course, the trouble with parenthood is that it's one of the biggest responsibilities anyone can be given, but you don't have to prove yourself worthy of it beforehand.

You may remember a line delivered by Keanu Reeves in the 1989 movie Parenthood:

"You need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any idiot be a father." (I've changed that line slightly to make it PG certificate sort of stuff.)

So, I can see the value of introducing parenting lessons, and I'm sure we'd all benefit from them - but I have a couple of reservations. Firstly, the NAHT was only calling for new mothers to be made to attend the lessons. Where did fathers get off the hook so easily?

And secondly, are you going to have to pass this course before they let you go? And if so, how's it going to be assessed?

I have visions of being made to sit an exam to show you've understood what parenthood is going to be about. It might go something like this:

PARENTING - 60 minutes.

Answer all questions. Start each answer on a fresh piece of paper, which your child will screw up.

1. Describe the three major types of soiled nappy and how you would deal with them.

2. How should you attempt to remove a mysterious yellow stain which you notice on your shirt/blouse several hours after saying goodbye to baby?

3. Name six of Thomas the Tank Engine's friends. How much could you expect to pay for toy versions?

4. What is the most likely location for a toddler's first tantrum? A. Supermarket. B. Shoe shop. C. Public transport. D. Place of worship.

5. What are the main scary bits in the following films? Toy Story, The Incredibles, A Muppet Christmas Carol.

6. Where is the floor in your home, and how long will it be before you see it again?

7. How many episodes of Teletubbies can you watch before becoming clinically insane?

8. How much sleep would you expect to get in baby's first year? A. Seven hours a night. B. Seven hours a week. C. Seven hours in total.

9. How many years will it be before you get another lie-in?

10. Add up the bills for a year's running costs, childcare and loss of income pertaining to one baby. Which of the following would it equate to: A. A meal out every night. B. An exotic holiday. C. A luxury car. Show your workings out. (10 bonus points for not sobbing uncontrollably.)