DAVID Beckham's alleged mistress Rebecca Loos is reported to be pocketing around £100,000 to help spice up TV's latest reality TV show.

And if you thought The Farm and Celebrity Wrestling have plumbed new depths in televisual history, those sad individuals driven by the titillating prospect of seeing D-list celebrities flush their dignity and credibility down the toilet will simply love Celebrity Love Island.

As well as the loathsome Loos, the show features the equally unedifying Abi Titmuss, former Atomic Kitten star Liz McClaren, ex-EastEnder Judi Shekoni and witless 'It' girl Lady Isabella Harvey.

ITV's latest reality show is based on a Fijian eco-resort which will see the 'bevy of beauties' paired off with a series of male non-entities.

These include serial reality TV contestant Fran Cosgrave, ex-EastEnder Michael Greco and, even more alarmingly, former Manchester United footballer Lee Sharpe, last seen kicking a ball around for a non-league club.

Just have a look at this sorry lot and ask the question why the word 'former' figures so largely in the curriculum vitae for these contestants.

Just when you thought TV had sunk to its lowest point, Celebrity Love Island comes along and restores your faith in the existence of the long lunch enjoyed by sex-obsessed TV executives.

But here's another pitch that hopefully will put an end to all these loathsome programmes.

Let's drop every single pointless celebrity on to a desert island.

Arm them all with heavy calibre weapons with the promise that the survivor will win free tabloid support for life from publicist Max Clifford.

Better still, have Mr Clifford as one of the contestants and issue him with blanks...