Here's a sight for sore eyes

It's not that funny but neither is a detached retina. I know, I've just had the operation.

For a start, I had to spend the first 11 days looking down.

This may sound a little dull, especially when your floor coverings aren't up to scratch. (We must get rid of that green carpet with the purple dots).

It also does nothing for your posture and with a swollen bloodshot eye and a hunched back you find yourself shouting "Esmerelda" and looking for bells to ring.

I found it hard to read, couldn't see the telly, so it was down to radio and CDs for company.

I also wanted to get out and go for a walk as soon as possible.

It would have been great if I had had an eye patch and looked like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean.

But I had a plastic eye shield and with the amount of white tape my wife used to keep it secure I looked more like The Mummy Returns.

In fact, she managed to tape my mouth - not a bad move - and most of my nose, so breathing was a difficulty.

Shuffling along with a baseball cap to cover my face, I must have looked a sight.

Old boys with their Zimmer frames overtook me and asked if I needed any help.

I also wear a green bracelet. I am not following the fashion and trying to make a statement about world poverty or bullying.

For a start it's made of paper and tells any medic I've got a gas bubble inserted in my eye, if I suddenly come a cropper.

Apparently, if there's a naked flame near me the eye explodes, which could be my party trick at a barbecue.

It's quite an ordeal trying to get your sight back to what it was and I have to thank staff, friends and family for keeping me sane, although as you can tell, they're just about succeeding.

Laughter is indeed the best medicine and for that I've also got to thank staff at Royal Bournemouth Hospital and fellow patients who were in my ward at the time of the operation.

All of them had far worse ordeals than me, but kept cracking jokes throughout.

The eyes definitely have it.