ONE of the hardest things in life, when you work with the same people for many years, is what to talk about at lunchtime.

Guillaume and I have been working together for nearly five years, and in that time we have covered almost every topic, from past lives to future lives and the tricky bit in between. We have discussed politics, history and jokes, and consulted the Screwfix catalogue from cover to cover.

When you sit down for lunch with a work colleague you can't really hold hands, have a little cuddle and enjoy a comfortable silence as you might with a loved one. I could try it, but I don't think it would go down well. You have to find a topic. This is usually helped by the arrival of somebody new on site, but is quite often provided by whatever was on the news the night before, especially that human-interest bit about a five-legged dog, or a boy that can swim faster than a shark.

So it was that I was fascinating Guillaume with tales of 14-year-old British binge drinkers who weigh 25 stone and are fed solely on a diet of cheese, when he told me about what he had seen on the French news the night before. Apparently the latest craze about to hit France was the Croc (those mule-type sandal things that are like what we used to call jellies). They are being hailed as très moche (ugly or awful) but chic, and are now the must-have item for the French.

I was actually shocked and stunned to hear this because they were the craze in the UK either last year or the year before, whenever Kate Moss (who coincidentally is rumoured to have bought a home in our département) or some other celebrity was snapped wearing them. I was amazed that a country that has always had a reputation for fashion should be so far behind the times. But it is indicative of the country as a whole: large 4x4s are still regarded as a status symbol and command massive second-hand prices instead of being given away free with packets of cornflakes and used to stop up holes in hedges; unions are still in existence and wield massive power, and taxes that would make even Harold Wilson's eyes water are the norm.

That is not to say that lack of modernity is a bad thing. Having a garage full of power tools that has never had the door closed, let alone locked, is something from a bygone age that I am happy to live with, as is politeness, a lack of traffic and being able to buy two nails from an ironmongers'.

The question is, how is dear Mr Sarkozy going to try and modernise France without throwing the baby out with the bathwater? One thing for sure is that if he pitches up at the G8 wearing his brand-new Crocs and waxing lyrical about that new band called The Beatles, even the Chinese are going to laugh him out of the place. Maybe he should start off by ditching the Italian supermodel, come down to our part of the world, take up with the lovely Kate, and start behaving a bit r n' roll like Pete Doherty. He might make himself look ridiculous, but at least it would give us something to talk about at lunchtime.