SOME things in life offer rewards way beyond the effort expended in achieving them, such as the financial gain of marrying a Texan oil billionaire, scratching an itch or getting a job as a fonctionnaire.

No, scrub that last one. I don't want to get started about the French civil service again - especially with all the bank holidays, which have turned May into yet another August.

There is one major thing in life that gives me untold pleasure (I do know that I really need to get out more and to get myself a life), and that is to tidy up loose ends.

At certain times of the year there does seem to be a disproportionate number of these loose ends. The April showers that started in March and have been hacking into May have finally abated for a short spell, and I have managed to knock one concreting job into the bag. I finally got the readymix lorry across what was previously a sodden wasteland, with the added bonus of being able to bill the clients. The second outstanding concreting job is on for tomorrow, weather willing, with the potential added bonus of coming to our ruins afterwards to pour some floors to give us a starting point for the new luxury accommodation. Fingers crossed.

The really big loose end has been mad Simon the Siamese feral cat who has been unravelling around us ever since we moved here. Despite being regularly dosed on cat contraceptive pills she has been unfailingly dumping litters on us, and is responsible for no less than four members of our household. Well, enough is enough, and we managed to borrow a trapping cage from an English neighbour (something like a large mousetrap but without the springy bit that squashes them), and Sue managed to trap the offending animal.

It was just as well that she did, because when she went down to the vets to recover the beast she was informed that despite the best efforts of the pill, Simon had managed to get herself knocked up to the tune of seven. That would have doubled our feline household, pushing us beyond the level of a colony and into plague territory. What a relief. Those loose tubes are now officially tied and going to give us no further problems.

Add to that the masonry job that I have finally managed to tie in with the roofer after nearly 18 months, and you have a life that is very nearly looking shipshape. But what do you do once you have tied up all your loose ends? Sit back, survey all of your completed deeds, assume a smug expression, and mock all others in the world?

Alternatively, you pour your concrete floor, then you have to put the new beams in, put the floors in, plaster the walls, then there is the electrics, the plumbing, the decorating, the letting of it, the maintenance... Help!