HELLO, hedonists: throw your hats in the air at the news that there will be no room on today's page for finely-honed phraseology, elegantly witty bon mots and tangential asides. It's a bank holiday weekend, which means wall-to-wall live music in staggering amounts and of dizzying diversity.

Why not begin with this year's Dorchester Festival, which brings you a characteristically eclectic array of talents covered in full by m'colleague Ruth Meech elsewhere in this august organ.

For our purposes, the festival ball gets properly rolling with Fiesta Cubano, a free event in Dorchester's Borough Gardens between 1-6pm on Saturday. The day kicks off with Duende (bandstand, 1pm), a six-piece salsa/merengue/Latin jazz ensemble led by Honduras-born Ramon Vallejo (www.myspace.com/grupoduende).

Next up are local folk rock figureheads Jigsaw (croquet lawn, 1.50pm). BBC Radio 2 Young Folk Awards finalist James Chadwick follows (croquet lawn, 2.50pm, www.myspace.com/jameschadwick). followed in turn by the indie folk of Australian singer/songwriter Andrea Soler (bandstand, 3.25pm, www.myspace.com/andreasoler) and the young Levellers' folk rock of Wheeler Street (croquet lawn, 4.10pm, www.myspace.com/ wheelerstreet).

All of this should act as a fine aperitif for the Saturday evening concert by the mighty Albert Hall-conquering roots duo Show Of Hands + Miranda Sykes (Corn Exchange, Dorchester, Saturday, doors open 7.30pm, £17/£15, tickets from 01305 266926).

The following evening, the same venue plays host to the Brighton-based Bacalao (Corn Exchange, Dorchester, Sunday, £10/£8, tickets from 01305 266926), the UK's finest salsa big band (www.bacalao.co.uk), while Monday sees the first public performance of Rick Birley's song cycle for soprano, piano and violin, Edges (St Mary's Church, Dorchester, Monday, doors open 12.30pm, £5/£3, tickets from 01305 266926).

Monday also introduces another free event in Dorchester's Borough Gardens between 1-9pm, namely Bank Holiday In The Pleasure Gardens. The youth band showcase on the croquet lawn between 1-3.30pm brings you Popclub (1pm, www.myspace.com /popclub46), Epic Journey (1.30pm, www.myspace.com/epicjourneyuk), Memories Of The Future (2.15pm, www.myspace.com/ memoriesofthefuturemotf) and The Daze (www.myspace.com/ thedazerocknroll).

Thereafter, you'll find finely-crafted jazz piano from Julie Lewis (bandstand, 3.40pm), disquieting psychedelic original marginalia from Gothic Chicken (croquet lawn, 4.10pm, www.myspace.com/ gothicchickenuk), perfect summer afternoon songs from Dorchester Community Choir (bandstand, 4.50pm), cool folk from y-Strels (bandstand, 5.20pm), experimental pop from the nine-piece Gilbert Quick Orchestra (croquet lawn, 6pm, www.myspace.com/ gilbertquickorchestra), indie rock from Cornwall's Rosie and the Goldbug (croquet lawn, 7pm, www.myspace. com/rosieandthegoldbug) and bohemian folk rock' from Glastonbury's genuinely brilliant Flipron (croquet lawn, 8pm, www. myspace.com/flipron).

Over in Weymouth, meanwhile, the advent of the Trawler Race weekend signifies a giant free multi-band event on Sunday in the open air on the quayside by the Rendezvous between 11am-8pm. Here you will find The Reps (11am, www.myspace.com /therepsband), The Dawn Chorus (11.45pm, www.myspace.com/ thedawnchorusuk), Flash Echo Fire (12.45pm, www.myspace.com /flashechofire), recently-reformed 80s thrash metallers Hellbastard (1.30pm, www.myspace.com/rippercrust), Paisley (2.30pm, www.myspace.com/ paisleyspace), Portsmouth-based singer/songwriter Rossco (3.15pm, www.myspace.com/captainrossco), Doll And The Kicks (4pm, www.myspace.com/dollandthekicks), The Daze (4.45pm, www.myspace. com/thedazerocknroll), Hold Fast (5.30pm, www.myspace.com/holdfast), Remus (6.15pm, www.myspace. com/remusmusic) and, headlining, future NME cover darlings' from Liverpool The Steeples (7pm, www.myspace.com/thesteeplesmusic).

Blimey, I need a sit down and a cup of the pale and strengthening after all of that. I haven't even scratched the surface of what's about this weekend either: just check the listings for proof. I don't even think London could compete.

Finally, I must quickly give a respectful nod and spit in the direction of punk tributarians The Reoffenders (Marine Theatre, Lyme Regis, tonight, £6 advance/£8 at the door, tickets from 01297 442138), and also welcome back the Rock & Pop Shop in Weymouth's Great George Street, rammed with instruments, spares, a repairs facility and an in-store teaching initiative to the delight of musos much like myself, only better.